Why yes, it’s February. I didn’t intend to take such a long break from writing, but January was tough… So was December. That challenging project I mentioned in my last post? I completely bombed it. I’ve never failed so badly on a project. Actually, I failed similarly spectacularly during my business school internship. That was a long time ago.

I don’t do well with failure. I feel it deeply. But we all fail at some point, right? We teach our kids to be ok with failure and there’s even the saying, “fail fast, fail often,” right?

I’m trying to change my relationship with failure. Not let it crush me. In the past, even smaller mistakes or setbacks might have caused me to curl up into a ball for a few days. This time, I dare say, I had a tiny flash of hope. I felt hopeful that I was one step closer to my goal (because I know that’s what will happen if I choose to learn from this mistake).

However, I can’t completely shake my sad feelings. The past few days have been some of my worst. Feelings of inadequacy, doubt, and lack of courage have been overwhelming, making it hard to breathe. So far, the only thing that has made me feel better is throwing myself into my other projects. I’m just distracting myself, if I’m being truthful. The learning has yet to happen…